Episode Three

Once inside the door I was grabbed and hustled up a dark corridoor. A door slid open and I stumbled inside. I draw back aghast, that's a sort of raffia curtain, and there behind the ghast was... Chu en Ginsberg. This was the man behind all organised crime in the US. He was big trouble, spelt with a capital 'Z'.

He spoke: "Ah, Gilbert."

"Ah, Chu", I said.

"Bless you," he replied. "Enough of this social chit-chat, down to the shitty bitty as you westerners say. You are probably wondering why you have been brought here; now I can tell you."

"Since the unfortunate episode some three months ago," he continued, "In which the girl taking a bath was a coincidence and the binoculars can easily be explained away, the police have been following me around, which has been embarrassing for my, ah, associates. Now, there is a big meeting next week of the Four and I will brook no interference at all. It is your job to provide protection. If there is a mistake, say goodbye to your left leg. Now, get out."

One of Chu's minions showed me the door. "This is a door," he explained.

"Yeah, I know that," I said, as I tried to look cool after walking into the wall.

Eventually, I found myself on the street. After my meeting with Ginsberg, I needed a drink, so I walked into a bar. It hurt quite a bit as it caught me in the pit of the stomach. I went into a pub instead and ordered a scotch on the rocks; it was low tide. I took my drink and and sat down - on a chair. I needed to think; I didn't get the chance. That lady was moving up to me. The word 'walked' was inadequate to describe her method of locomotion, 'staggered drunkenly' would be nearer the mark.

"Hello," she breathed, in a voice that was like a thousand fingernails scraping on a blackboard. "My name's Petal."

"Really?" I said. "That's a nice name, how did you get it?"

Complete the rest of this joke and you could win a prize!

"I have been sent by Mr. Ginsberg, to act as liason between you and him."

"How's about a liason between you and me?" I quipped.

She looked at me. "Okay, let's go back to my flat."

We made our way to her flat. She opened the door and I followed her in. I closed the door behind me and then... Petal screamed.

"What is it?" I shouted.

"I've caught my finger in the door," she replied, putting it in her mouth, the finger that is, not the door.

While she went into the bathroom to wash her finger, I went into the bedroom. It was cool, so I turned on the fire. I decided to take a look around, and opened a cupboard. Out stepped a man.

"Who are you," I asked. "The bank manager?"

Then he slugged me...

TO BE CONTINUED